I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
