I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
