why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
