She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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