dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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