Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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