I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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