You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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