Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???