My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?