you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
