Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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