Will you blow on my dice?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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