Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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