I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
