Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
