Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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