when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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