Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize