I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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