onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize