Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
