Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
