don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
