Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I didn't shave. On purpose
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
