I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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