So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
that is very illegal...i love you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
