trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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