you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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