Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
