I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize