How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
