You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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