Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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