My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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