I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...