38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter