I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.