Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...