you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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