Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
