Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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