new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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