the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.