I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.