My nipple is on Facebook.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay