She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dating After Heartbreak
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!