I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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