Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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