He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry about my life...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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