If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.