look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.