what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You can't just leave with hair like that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.