fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.