Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty