so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
