I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
