were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize