I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
