Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
