Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize